How to write an obituary

Writing an obituary can feel like an impossible assignment: sum up a whole life, quickly, while grieving. The good news is that an obituary does not need to be perfect or complete. It needs to share the news, give practical details and sound like the person. This guide walks you through it.

First, decide what you need

There are two kinds of writing people often call an obituary:

• A death notice is short and factual: the name, the date of death and service details. Newspapers usually charge by length, and costs vary widely, so a notice is often kept brief.
• An obituary tells more of the story: who the person was, what they loved and who they leave behind.

Many families publish a short notice in a newspaper and a fuller obituary online, on a funeral home’s website or a memorial page, where length is not an issue.

Gather the facts

Before you write, collect the basics. Ask family members to check them, because mistakes are easy to make under stress.

• Full name, including any nickname or maiden name
• Age, date of birth and date of death
• Where they were born and where they lived
• Close family members, living and deceased
• Service details: date, time, place, and whether it is public or private
• Where memorial gifts may be sent, if the family wishes

Some families choose not to include a cause of death, and some choose not to publish a full date of birth, to reduce the risk of identity theft. Both are fine.

A simple outline

This structure works for most obituaries. Adapt it as you like.

1. The announcement

One or two sentences with the name, age, date and place of death. For example: “Maria Elena Torres, 81, of Tucson, died peacefully at home on March 3, surrounded by her family.”

2. The life story

A few short paragraphs about where they came from and what filled their life: work, family, community, faith, passions. You do not need to list everything. Choose what the people who knew them would recognize.

3. What made them themselves

This is the part people remember. A habit, a saying, a signature dish, a laugh. “She never met a stray cat she would not feed.” “He sang, loudly and badly, at every birthday.” Specific details say more than general praise.

4. Family

List those who survive them, and those who died before them. It is common to name a spouse or partner first, then children, grandchildren, siblings and others. Include partners and chosen family as your family sees fit.

5. Service and memorial details

Date, time and place of any service, or a note that it will be private or held later. Add where to send donations, if you wish, and a thank you to caregivers if that feels right.

Tips for finding the words

• Write the way they talked. If they were funny, it is fine for the obituary to be warm and a little funny.
• Ask for stories. Send a short message to family and friends: “What is one thing you want people to know about her?” You will get more than you can use.
• Keep sentences short. Short sentences are easier to write and easier to read aloud.
• Do not aim for perfect. A few true details matter more than elegant phrasing.
• Read it aloud. You will hear what needs to change.
• Get a second reader. Ask someone to check names, dates and spelling.

A short example

James “Jimmy” Okafor, 67, of Columbus, died on October 12 after a short illness. Born in Dayton, Jimmy spent 35 years as a middle school science teacher, where he was known for blowing things up safely and for remembering every student’s name. He coached youth soccer, grew prize tomatoes and never missed his granddaughter’s recitals. He is survived by his wife of 41 years, Grace; his children, Daniel and Ruth; and three grandchildren. A celebration of his life will be held Saturday at 2 pm at Riverside Community Center. In place of flowers, the family welcomes gifts to the school’s science club.

This example is fictional, written to show the shape of an obituary.

Publishing and sharing

• Newspapers usually charge for obituaries, and prices vary by paper, length and whether you include a photo. Ask for a quote and the deadline before you submit.
• Funeral homes often publish obituaries on their websites, and may help you submit to newspapers.
• Online memorial pages let you share a longer story, photos and service details, and let friends leave messages.

Choose a photo that looks like the person as people knew them. It does not need to be recent.

Be gentle with yourself

Writing about someone you have just lost is emotional work. Take breaks. Ask for help. If writing feels impossible right now, a short notice is enough, and a fuller tribute can come later, at a memorial or on an anniversary. If grief becomes overwhelming, in the US you can call or text 988 at any hour to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

How Gracekeeps can help

On the Plus plan and plans offered by organizations, the AI writing help in Gracekeeps can turn your notes and stories into a first draft that you edit until it sounds right. Every Gracekeeps plan includes a memorial page with a guestbook, where you can share the obituary and service details with everyone who cares.

This article is general information, not legal, financial or medical advice. Rules differ by state and by situation. For advice about your circumstances, talk with a licensed professional.